presence

Presence is the best gift.

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control

It feels good to fake control.


how?

How can I take care of you
If I cannot take care of myself?


book

I have decided to compile some of my writing here and self-release a book. Instantly I get nervous. But, I have no reason not to try.


Expectations

Managing your own expectations is hard enough, but I find myself easily worn out and frustrated when I have friends and family complain to me about something that is out of my, or anyone’s control. I don’t know why I take this stuff so much to heart. It is probably not meant to be a complaint about me, but I have this internal fault that wants to solve all problems, so when they can’t, I get anxious and cannot function until it’s resolved.

The same goes with art. So many people want everything to be perfect before it goes out. I also want to put out the purest creation I can, but I’m not afraid to pull the trigger. Because of this people always assume I want to just rush things out, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. I just don’t want to waste 2 years on something that should take 2 months. Nothing is perfect, and until you get it out there you can’t learn where you made your mistakes and how you can get better the next time.

The key for me is to remain patient and realize I am not in charge of fixing all problems. And for you, don’t be afraid to let it all hang out. Everyone’s a critic, but only a few of us are artists.


Anxiety

It’s just you and me, Anxiety;
My body tightens,
my brain swims.
I wish I could crawl
out of my skin.
You drink, you smoke,
can’t cope, you choke.
When will you learn
from past mistakes?
Your fists are clenched,
your stomach aches.
You want to die,
but it won’t come.
Hell, it must be.
Eternity?


Everyone Struggles?

Everyone struggles. How do you get passed it? Turning to unhealthy habits is not the answer, but that seems to be how I cope. It is a nice warm blanket for your mind, but it burns me out too fast. The lack of good sleep wears and wears until I have anxiety about fun things just because I’m worried about being tired. Moderation. Center yourself. Right here, right now, what can you do to feel better and increase your chances at success going forward? I can make business better, but I can get out there and meet people, and I can work on the internal systems to prepare for the calls. The stress comes from the day to day waiting for the phone to ring. I will be ok, it’s my family that I’m worried about. How can I bear the brunt of this while staying sane and healthy myself?