not me

“It won’t happen to me” is a prevailing logic these days. However, it’s already happening to you – you just don’t realize it yet.


Presence is the best gift.


Is it fate?
I don’t know.
Ask me again tomorrow.

Yes you can.

I have been telling myself, writing to myself and everything else the following words: Yes you can. Sometimes I don’t believe it, but I need it to keep me pushing forward. In my own little world, times are tough. I know people would envy what I have, but sometimes I envy what they have. I need to keep fighting to make my own way but also know when I need help. I have a great group surrounding me, that is a plus. My truth is my strength though. Stay with that and I have to be satisfied in the end. Right?


What is it about music?

Music has only been such spiritual thing for me. The pure connection I feel pulls me out of the dumps and it’s what I’m flying on when I’ve never been better.

No matter what is going on it gives me strength. I’ve heard it called the language of the gods and I believe that. If love is what we seek, music is the purest way to express it.

I’m clinging to it right now hoping to get through this pressure.

What a difference a day makes…

Well wouldn’t you know it, some positivity has shown its self. A few calls for work, that’s a great start. A good night’s sleep; so hard to come by but so great. Now can I make it two nights in a row?

Everyone Struggles?

Everyone struggles. How do you get passed it? Turning to unhealthy habits is not the answer, but that seems to be how I cope. It is a nice warm blanket for your mind, but it burns me out too fast. The lack of good sleep wears and wears until I have anxiety about fun things just because I’m worried about being tired. Moderation. Center yourself. Right here, right now, what can you do to feel better and increase your chances at success going forward? I can make business better, but I can get out there and meet people, and I can work on the internal systems to prepare for the calls. The stress comes from the day to day waiting for the phone to ring. I will be ok, it’s my family that I’m worried about. How can I bear the brunt of this while staying sane and healthy myself?


I have been spending a lot of energy thinking about all of my effort recently. I do not care about being rich, but I want to be finacially stable; not living paycheck to paycheck. I’ve put a lot of time into things I love, which is very rewarding… but am I spinning my tires instead of moving towards a stress free economy for my family? Happiness is a priority for me this year. As is love. We will get by, but not struggling and stressing every month (or week) would be great. Can I make what I love into a career? Only time will tell, but I am wracked with anxiety and thoughts of jumping ship to get on a more worn path. I need a sign God.

why can’t everything be easy?

i wonderful song really got me thinking today. nothing is easy. why not? we work and work and work and struggle to get by. i don’t expect wealth or fame being easy, but not even living comfortably? paycheck to paycheck blows. i think an appropriate question is: why can’t anything be easy?

put your money where your mouth is

well it looks like i need to look for another job. i had a great situation but it is not working to support me fully. i spend a lot of my good times thinking of how great things are and how if you want something you go get it. so easy when you have no challenges to face. now i am facing a tough decision and an even tougher road. do i get back into the corporate world i despised? i have a growing family i need to consider. do i pursue a dream that may never materialize? struggle is a part of life. but how long must i struggle? how can i follow happiness and also make a reasonable living? i do not expect mansions, yachts and private jets. but i don’t want to have to live paycheck to paycheck, and i don’t want to be stuck on someone else’s dime. love isn’t coming as easy today.