Problems aren’t real.
The higher you rise,
the farther you fall.
You really will have it all.
Some are young
when they get the call.
You already do have it all.
I want to be the greatest artist the world has ever known. But what if the world doesn’t know me? How do I forever shed the need for outside approval? I do what I Love… but if I can’t sustain a living… does that mean I am no good? Or not understood?
I want truth, beauty, NOW.
I have the problem of being jealous sometimes. It even seems worse with my friends successes. It’s horrible to type this, but this is something I need to address.
At first glance it seems to stem from my Love and desire to do everything… I hate missing things. But it has to stem from something deeper than that. I guess I hate not having what I deem “success” (a definition I never clearly defined – maybe that’s the problem?) in what I work hardest for, so when someone else has a positive experience, I reflect it as a failure of myself not to be celebrating something positive too.
The lesson? Friends are me too. We share Love and life, for better or worse. They support me; I support them. I need to let these thoughts come and go without allowing them to lose focus on what I am working towards. Success is internal, not obtained from some outside source or organization. Where there is happiness and Love, focus is success.
I have been telling myself, writing to myself and everything else the following words: Yes you can. Sometimes I don’t believe it, but I need it to keep me pushing forward. In my own little world, times are tough. I know people would envy what I have, but sometimes I envy what they have. I need to keep fighting to make my own way but also know when I need help. I have a great group surrounding me, that is a plus. My truth is my strength though. Stay with that and I have to be satisfied in the end. Right?
What if I accomplish something? What if I accomplish nothing? Success should be feeling fulfilled and happy. My ego needs fed. What goes up in smoke only feeds ego. I cannot decide on being happy or being recognized as more important.
Maybe my art will change the world someday. Maybe not? What if I’m gone before it is appreciated? Did you love what you were doing? Say thank you and get back to work.